Mommy Meltdown

It's my party & I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to!

Ok, so it's not my party, it's my daughter's party & it's the one thing I've been desperately throwing myself into to distract myself from the fact that 10 days from today, she will be 1 year old. And so far, it's worked pretty well. Until this morning when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I've been so incredibly stressed out the past week & not sure why. Just in a funk & obsessing over her party like a crazy person. Each night I've been doing some sort of party craft. Monday night I actually sat down and hand punched individual elephant confetti - one-by-one. I kid you not. By the time Brandon got home & found me on the couch in a pile of paper scraps and teeny tiny dots of paper everywhere (from the eye hole of the elephant), I had punched about 150 confetti, my hand was throbbing, I had developed a blister & my pinkie was starting to cramp. We laughed about it, but I think this was a warning sign. Then, the next night I forced him to help me put personalized labels on bubble containers, while I made a hand-made banner. And last night, well...I'm not sure how to put this, but last night I hit party planning rock bottom. As soon as I got home, I put the baby down in the kitchen, and I started pulling out all of the white serving dishes I own. I made labels & began planning what food would be presented in what dishes, and I seriously contemplated such important issues as, "Do I serve the sangria in a pink bucket, a punch bowl, or a glass pitcher? Do I have a separate table for drinks & cake? Should I use the buffet table for gifts or the coffee table for gifts? Where should I hang tissue poms from? Is it too much to have them hanging from ALL of the chandeliers in the house?"

Seriously...how does one have thoughts like that & it not dawn on them that they are acting like a crazy person? And it didn't stop there...oh no. I took a break long enough to feed the baby & play with her for about 5 minutes, give her a bath & then put her to bed. Then back to party stuff. I made some tissue paper poms & then put labels on all of the favor containers. Making sure each label was placed exactly the same as the others. And all this time, becoming increasingly angry that my husband won't pitch in & fold tissue paper, or fluff out a pom for me. Cause you know, so many husbands help their wives with crafting!
As you can see, all the warning signs were there, it was only a matter of time before I came unglued.

And this morning, it finally happened.

I came into work this morning like any other day & pulled up my email. And there it was - subject line: "Your 11 month old: Week 4". I clicked & opened it, expecting to find some update on stuff she's already done (Do you think they do that on purpose? Tell you "your baby will start doing this" and it's something most babies that age have already done, thus you feel your child is a genius?), but instead I found this:

" Babies typically start walking sometime between 9 and 18 months. You may be surprised at the reactions this milestone causes in you. For example, don't take it too hard if your baby refuses when you offer to hold or carry her. She's not rejecting you. Odds are, she's simply excited about practicing walking."

That's when it happened, I could feel my eyes welling up with fresh tears. It finally sunk in - she will officially no longer be a baby, she will be a toddler. My sweet baby girl is growing up & there's nothing I can do about it. She won't stay a baby, she won't always want me to pick her up & hold her, she'll eventually get embarrassed when I kiss her goodbye, and did I mention, she's not a baby anymore!?

So I called my husband & when he picked up the phone, I started bawling! I just completely lost it, crocodile tears were coming down & I was so thankful that none of my coworkers show up until 9am. Because I was an absolute wreck! He talked me down off the ledge, and I eventually was able to regain my composure.

I know, I know...she's only turning 1, not 16. But this year has flown by & I can't help but wish she'd stay a baby just a little longer. I've been obsessing so much over her little birthday party, that's just a simple party in our house. And really, all Abigail is going to care about is trying cake for the first time & having brand new boxes to play with (cause she totally likes to play with boxes over the toys lots of times - ha!). She won't care if there are 3, 6, 9, or zero tissue poms. She doesn't care if the labels are situated perfectly on the party favors, she doesn't even care if all the serving dishes match.

And maybe now that I've realized the underlying reason for my party obsession, I'll chill out a bit & realize that no matter how big of a party I throw, I'll still probably be a little bit sad that day, and I guess that's probably pretty normal & it's ok. She has to grow up & I'm not always going to like it, but it's going to happen. Just sucks that it happens so fast.