Mommy Meltdown

Last night was a BAD night. Not the worst night we've ever had, but it was bad. It was bad for me. I lost it. I couldn't take it anymore - I had a meltdown. Right there, in the middle of the nursery, with Abigail watching, I just broke down & started sobbing. Which of course made Abigail cry more - we just cried our eyes out together!
Brandon came in to check on us & told me, "You look like a raccoon." Thanks for kicking me while I"m down, hun. :P
But seriously, I couldn't take it anymore. It's been 2 weeks straight of taking her around 2 hours to go to bed. And before that, she was waking 5 times at night because of teething, so it's been almost a month since she has slept well. We have so many possible culprits for why this may be that I can't seem to figure out a plan of attack to make things better. All I know is that what we're currently doing is obviously NOT WORKING anymore. Duh! So why do I keep trying the same thing?
Every night, around 7:40 Abigail shows signs that she's tired. Perfect - since bedtime is 7:45 (and until 2 weeks ago, she'd be in her crib for the night by 8pm, no problem). So we start our routine - change her into her PJ's, a little attention & baby massage from mom, then upstairs for some books read by dad, then mom takes her, nurses & rocks her & she drifts to sleep land.
Before, I could just get her drowsy, not 100% asleep, but tired & eyes closed, put her down & she'd go to sleep on her own. But now? Now, she is sleepy in my arms, eyes shut, content...then the second her head hits the mattress, BAM! Eyes WIDE open, and she is not a happy camper. The longer I leave her there & try to let her figure it out on her own, the more she starts to resemble a gremlin. So I try again....it takes a few minutes to settle her back down, now she's more awake, so I start all over...I rock her, I sing (probably not helping, since I'm tone deaf, but I try anyway), let her suck on the paci...eventually she drifts to sleep again. This time, I wait a little longer, until she's slightly more asleep. Then again, I sway my way to the crib, and this time, about halfway between my arms & the mattress her eyes are open, by the time her head hits the mattress she's already crying/screaming! Now, by this point it's been probably about 40 minutes since we got her upstairs.
So I'll try again, but it seems like at this point Abigail gets her 2nd wind & is more awake than ever & mad at me for even thinking she might want to sleep. She's bouncing, sitting herself up & not even close to going to bed. and I'm PISSED! Almost an hour of effort & what do I have to show for it? A baby who is wide awake. I was so mad last night, I've never been that mad at her. Like I wanted to ask her why she was being so mean to me!
Last night, during my 3rd attempt to lay her down, I just lost it. It had been over an hour of me rocking her. I'd given her teething tablets, I'd done everything I knew to do. I was standing over her with my hand on her chest & she was crying, looking at me like, "Why are you just standing there? Pick me up!!" And I just couldn't take it. I started crying. Not like a couple tears leaked out cry, but big time - ugly cry! I made "the face." I have no idea what's going on. She was relatively sleep trained. And all of a sudden it stopped. All of a sudden, she refuses to be rocked by dad. In fact, when he comes & tries to relieve me for a bit, she just screams louder & louder. She obviously has a bit of separation anxiety when it comes to mom.
So it's me - I'm the only one who can do it & she seems to want to trump all my evening time. I broke down last night because I don't know what to do. All I can see in my future is more nights like this, more nights where Brandon sits downstairs & casually eats dinner & watches TV, while I endlessly rock the baby & failed attempts at laying her down. And constant worry that maybe something is hurting her & I'm not addressing it.
I call my mom for advice. She's no help. I slept with my parents until I was 3 years old. I'm not against co-sleeping, it's just not an option for us. Abigail & I don't sleep as well when we co-sleep, plus the thought of never having alone time or time with just my husband sends me into great despair, so it's a non-issue for us. Not even an option. Plus, I think it's really important that Abigail be comfortable sleeping on her own, in her own room.
Anyway, after almost 2 hours of efforts and some tylenol, she finally did go to sleep last night. I did the 'limp wrist test' and she was out, so I laid her down & she was fine. She slept thru the night. So for that, I should be grateful, but I'm so incredibly frustrated with how long it took to get her down, that I don't even feel happy about her sleeping all night. She seems fine once she gets to bed - if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she'll go back to sleep in her crib, by herself, no problem. It's just the getting her TO sleep that's the issue.
I don't have any answers. I just keep hearing that this is a phase & will pass. But it's seemingly impossible to keep her from learning bad habits while we try to survive this phase.
That's all, I dont' really have a good way to end this blog. I just needed to write & get this out to the universe, so that hopefully we'll find some answers & I'll again have my evenings back.