Motherhood vs. Fatherhood

“It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” - The Golden Girls

I've been struggling a little bit lately trying to find time to do it all. How do women do it? I know they do...I know working moms who have decently uncluttered, clean houses. So why is my bathroom such a pit & my bed un-made? Well to be fair, my bed was not made very often even before I gave birth, but still...

My typical day looks like this:
5:00 am - get up, sneak in to Abigail's room & slip her some reflux medicine while she's sleeping, then crawl back in bed because I can't fathom getting up yet.
5:15 - 6:00 am - get ready for work, feed Abigail, change her morning diaper, grab clean bottles & ice pack for the day's pumping, hand Abigail off to dad, go to work.
6:00/6:25 (depending on how late I'm running) - 7:00 - commute drive to work, including a much needed pit stop at the local coffee stand
7:00 am - 3:30 pm - try to focus on work when all I can think about is Abigail & all the things I need to get done at home, pump every 2 hours.
3:30-4:00ish - 4:30ish - depending on how early I can sneak out (technically I'm supposed to work until 4:00, but usually I can leave a few minutes early) - go pickup the kid.
4:30 - 4:45 - Pickup Abigail at daycare, discuss the day's events with her caretaker. Get home with Abigail, change her diaper, feed her, play with her.
5:30 - Abigail gets fussy, usually takes me about 15 minutes to get her to take a nap. This is definitely her fussy time of the evening.
6:00 - oh crap! I have to do something about dinner! Try to cook something decent & hopefully I thought ahead enough to thaw something out. (1/2 the time it's followed by 1 look at the dirty kitchen & a big sigh that I have to clean dishes before I can dirty them again - because it's B's job to do the dishes & well....let's just say he's much more successful at his day job)
7:00 - Brandon comes home sweaty after the gym & begging for attention, Abigail is awake cooking with me in the kitchen or I'm nursing her hoping food can cook itself & not burn or boil over
7:10 - serve B dinner, put Abigail on her play mat or in her jumperoo so I can get 5 minutes to eat while it's still hot.
7:15 - 8:00 - Spend time with B & Abigail
8:00 - 8:30 - Abigail's bedtime routine
8:30 - 9:00 - Wash bottles, lay out Abigail's clothes for the next day, make lunch for the next day
9:00 - come upstairs to find B in bed, sometimes already snoring
9:00 pm - 1:30 am - Go to bed, but get up about 2-3 times to give Abigail her pacifier if she wakes up fussing.
1:30 - 1:45 am - Feed Abigail, might take 1 time to go back in before she falls asleep, but usually she goes right back to sleep after a 10 minute feeding.
1:45 - 4:30 am - SLEEP :)
4:30 - Abigail starts to get restless...sleep off & on until the alarm goes off at 5am, rinse & repeat

That's just the known schedule for each day. Also, in between all that I have to fit in time to jog, grocery shop, do laundry, clean the house, clean up cat barf (did I mention my cat has taken a liking to our poisenous houseplant? So she eats & barfs daily), pretend I care about my husband's gym workouts, shower, dry my hair (this is a process - and it's hard to find the time for it now), check the mail, pay the bills, keep up with our social calendar, give my husband his "lazy" time as needed, change 90% of the diapers, take baby to the doctor randomly, do the chores, wash the dishes, makes me very, very dizzy...sorry, I started having a Cinderella moment there for a sec. Ok, I believe I have made my point.

So then, like this morning for example, my husband gets up, rides his bike while I'm getting ready & feeding Abigail, then I go to pass her off & he starts complaining about how tired he is! Last night was actually a bad sleep night for Abigail, I got up countless times to replace her pacifier or move her if she'd wedged herself into a bad spot in the crib. Not once did I wake him up to do it, because I had already woken up, so what's the point of waking him up if I'm already awake? Anyway, I just want to ask him, "Why are you tired? And why are you complaining to ME about it!?"

Thing is, my husband complains, every day, about how tired he is & how much work everything is & how he never gets to be lazy anymore! He feels like he works at the office all day, then works out, then comes home & has even more work to do. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I said one night "I just want to be lazy" and expected him to take care of the baby. Actually, I already know the answer - it wouldn't happen. He'd laugh & hand me the baby right back.

I look around at my house and it is a wreck. There is laundry everywhere - clean or dirty, doesn't matter, it's like a fungus. My husband feels he's SO busy that he can only make time to clean the dishes once a week, which means our kitchen is a disaster & all stacked up. Abigail's toys are out, the cats toys are out, I can barely find time to take a shower, much less clean the shower! So I ask...how do women do it?? And why are most men so incapable of multi-tasking? If I ask B to turn off the TV & hang out with Abigail so that I can get stuff done he acts like I'm requesting him to cut off his right arm. That's not to say he doesn't help. He does, he helps so much more than he used to, but we just have a lot more going on now than ever before.

I feel like this is probably just me adjusting to being a mom. This is just what is expected & men don't do as much as we do, period. That's just how it is & I must suck it up. But I can't help but daydream about what it must be like to have a wife! Ahh, that would be nice, wouldn't it?

Not quite sure what the answer is here? Overwhelm my husband until he just shuts down, let the house go to crap, ignore my baby & let the activity mat raise her? I know it's not possible to do it all, but surely there's a way to be slightly more productive!? Sigh...I may have lost the battle this week, but I'm not giving up on the war! I must suck it up & deal with it. Just keep trying as hard as I can to keep up with life, and work on being patient with my husband, because I know, bless his heart, he does try.

::Steps into phonebooth & puts cape & mask back on::

Tonight I will attempt to run AND put laundry away AND cook dinner. If Heidi Klum can do it, so can I! (please don't discourage me with comments reminding me that Heidi probably has maids and nannies)